Things Fall Apart

I never did like that book. I remember actually being quite scarred by it. Yet, its title keeps running through my mind lately because, well, things do. It is not just my story to tell, so I won't elaborate here, but rest assured that e is doing ok. He had a little trip to the ED at CHOP recently, but he is all right. He has been responding strangely to motion while lying prone on his back--so if he's being carried on his back in someone's arms, or in his car seat, sometimes he does this strange thing where he stiffens, thrashes around, looks frightened, and looks like he is struggling to breathe. Usually, if I just change his position, that is enough to fix it. However, last Tuesday, I was carrying him in his car seat across the street while holding the hands of the other two, so when he started his little fit I couldn't stop right away to fix it. By the time I got to the other side of the road, he had gone pale and then started to turn a little blue around the mouth. He came out of it quickly and is totally fine as long as I don't move him in the wrong way, but the pediatrician said any amount of blue is too much blue, so off we went to CHOP. They couldn't figure out what had caused it and wanted to admit him for further testing. I had a conversation with the doctor and he agreed that I could take him home and do the testing as an out patient. He was supposed to see the cardiologist again on Monday, but, well, there was a hurricane. We'll have to reschedule that. Our other upcoming appointments include neurology, ENT, a neonatal/developmental follow-up program, speech/language, another surgeon appointment, and a few others I can't remember just now. He has also begun meeting with a hearing specialist once each week in addition to his PT. He continues to be just as sweet as ever. He is so precious. I am grateful for him so many times each day.

As things fall apart, I am reminded of the importance of gratitude and the power it has to change your outlook and therefore the feelings you live with each day. A kind friend mentioned the other day a study done that asked one group of people to write five positive things about each day for a given period of time, another group just to write five any kind of things each day, and another group to write five negative things. There were profound and measurable benefits of gratitude/perspective. I am endeavoring to take time each day to look hard for good. Sometimes I feel like I need to swim in a pool of nasty to pick the shiny bits up off the bottom, but I know eventually the pool of nasty will drain away and I will be left with the shiny bits I have collected and cleaned off. Here goes for today:

I am grateful that neither us nor our home was damaged in the hurricane. (Though 'damage' has become E's new favorite word. If we drive by uprooted trees or snapped telephone poles, he points and shouts, 'look at that damage!' He was the only one disappointed we didn't have any of our own.)

I am grateful for so many wonderful friends who love me and help me in ways I might not even think of on my own.

I am grateful for my kids and the way they uplift me. Every time I come near e he smiles and kicks. I can't help but smile back.

I am grateful for electricity and that ours works again.

I am grateful for things to smile about--two are:
    To wrap up our geology unit, we built and erupted a volcano, made lava cake, and watched a Magic School Bus episode about volcanoes. With the impending hurricane, E had a little trouble distinguishing between the two and decided to call them both 'hurricanoes.' Now, if anyone says either 'volcano' or 'hurricane' in front of him, he will correct them and say, 'No, you have to say 'hurricano''
    While staying at a friend's house this summer, E was talking to the dad of the family and wanted to call him by name. He began, "Mister...., Sir....." and then had to ask "What's your name?" The friend replied "You can just call me Mister Sir." E took him at his word. Even after being told the correct name, E still insists on calling him Mister Sir.